Late Night Confessions

Is there a better way to spend the night than writing in the MITES 12’ blog? I think NOT! Let’s be honest though… I wouldn’t be doing this if I had school tomorrow. (Cheers to the winter break). Anyways, now that you know my reasons for joining this amazing group of bloggers, I shall start telling you my story.

Let me start by telling you a crazy dream I had four nights ago. I was suddenly at the MIT campus, surrounded by people I had never seen in my entire life. As the dream progressed, I realized that I was in one of those overnight campus visit programs. Funny thing was that I really didn’t know anyone and I kept wondering why I was even visiting the campus if I had already seen it from head to toes. Instead of going crazy asking pointless questions, I decided to follow the flow and get to know the people around me. Turned out that I became friends with a Chinese girl and some boy I can’t remember. They kept saying how MIT was their dream school and how excited they were that they got in. Instead of joining their gushiness, I only said that I didn’t know what I was doing there and that I still hadn’t been accepted to MIT. They looked at me as if I had grown another head, completely ignoring me afterwards (talk about weird people). I woke up soon after, not really remembering anything else.

I won’t deny that I put much thought into the dream. First of all, why was I even dreaming about MIT? I mean, I do have great memories about the place but, I wasn’t even considering going there for college. Yeah, I know. A MITES student who doesn’t like MIT as a potential college. What can I say? I guess I am looking for a ‘cozier’ place, not so involved with research, and little bit farther away from home. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

I guess my perspective on things changed when I had a second weird dream, the night after the first one. This dream was one of those that feel too real for you not to believe it didn’t happen. I was completely and irrevocably sure that all the things that went on in my head were true. So, as I was taking a shower, I heard my phone ringing. I went to pick it up and saw that I had an email notification from the Admission Office at MIT. “On behalf of the bla bla bla, You have been accepted …” I mean, I stopped showering right away. First thing I did was call my sister over to tell her the news (first sign that I was indeed dreaming as she lives in California). We both started crying and jumping around. Then, I got out of the shower and went screaming around my house (second sign that I was dreaming as “my house” was actually my aunt’s house in the Dominican Republic). The happiness I felt inside was something I can’t describe. I created so many plans in my head, imagining what my next four freaking years at MIT would be like. And then, sadly, I woke up panting on my bed. I took me a while to realize that I was dreaming, and that I had never been accepted to MIT.

Now, you may be asking yourselves, why is this chick talking about dreams and shit? Well, I really don’t know. I’m bored, I can’t seem to fall asleep, and I already finished reading my book for the week. But in reality, I do find these dreams kind of fascinating, hence to why I’m sharing them with you. I don’t think they came to me by accident. There has to be a deeper meaning to them, don’t you think? And as I kept asking myself those questions throughout these couple of days, I came out with a hypothesis.

How about if it isn’t the fact that MIT is not “cozy” enough what has me neglecting the idea of attending there so bad? How about if it is actually fear of being denied from such a great institution? I have felt fear many times in my life. I also know how it feels to be rejected. The feeling is not pleasant, not at all, and that’s why I try to exempt myself from those kinds of positions. However, I also know how it feels to be accepted, and let me tell you how great it feels.

After a lot of thinking, talking to myself, and remembering MITES, I realized that MIT might be in reality my dream school. I may have gotten lost between the idea of what I really want and what I think I should want, but now I’m certain that I would love to attend MIT. Obviously, that was the meaning behind those particular dreams. Why else would I be dreaming about MIT when I’m so close to learning if I got in or not? It is no secret that I’m scared, way too scared. I am definitely not the student with perfect SAT scores (far from that, actually) or an amazing record of AP classes, but that hasn’t stop me from trying. And I can’t help but to think back to MITES and remember all of the times I felt inferior and not capable enough of excelling. And here I am, several months after, feeling the same way. But I guess things do happen for a reason, and every lesson in this world is important. If I hadn’t attended MITES, I wouldn’t have known that I can achieve more of the things I can ever imagine. I wouldn’t have realized how strong I am, much less know that fear and anxiety are things that I can overcome easily.

I guess what I am trying to say here (Yes, you will finally read the real message in this long as post) is that we often lock the doors in front of us before they have even closed. We bring ourselves down by repeating how incapable we are of achieving things even before trying. It is our job to leave those antics back and step into the game, no matter how scary it can be. And if it doesn’t work out? Who cares! At least we know we tried. At least I know I tried getting into my dream school. And don’t even start thinking is because you weren’t good enough. You’re foolish if you think that way. Some things are meant to be for us, but some of them just aren’t. So, keep looking until you find that thing that captivates you and then try reaching it. Don’t ever stop dreaming big, I know I won’t.

Hopefully, you will hear of me again during April. I may say that I am an MIT alumna, but I may not. But maybe, I may say how I got into this other amazing place (and how I had crazy dreams about it, too), and it will all be alright.There’s a really weird quote I read somewhere (which i like a lot), and it goes along the lines:  “Dreams can come true, just not for dreamers.” Start acting up! Don’t wait for things to happen. And never, ever, ever, never let the fear of falling stop you from flying.

That is all for tonight. It’s almost 3:30 am and I have sleep to catch up on. Best wishes and good luck to all of you who are trying to pursue something big. (Wish me luck, too).

Much love from the girl with the cute Dominican accent.

-Lily